Fear of Rejection
Rejection-to refuse to accept, consider, submit to, take for some purpose, or use.
Through out my life, I have always had a fear of rejection. I can’t remember the first time that rejection entered my life, but all through out school, I struggled with the fear of being rejected. In elementary school, I was introduced into rejection when I was no longer someone’s “best friend” for the day. I found myself being extra nice to that person, giving them my snack, and even doing their school work for them. In middle school, I found myself dealing with rejection all the time. I became the odd ball and was no longer apart of the “cool kids”. I would do whatever and hang out with whoever, just to feel accepted. Then, when high school rolled around, I found myself gaining new friends, and even finding that I was beginning to have a lot of them. Not because of who I was, but because of what I was saying. I hit the point where I would say anything and everything just to get people’s approval. I then graduated high school, moved away, and found a new group of friends. How was I supposed to fight rejection this time? I didn’t want to live a lie anymore, and I didn’t believe in “buying” their friendship, so I gave what was left, my time. I found myself going, and going, and going, until I had nothing left as I crashed and burned.
This last week I started my time at CGA, which meant a new place with new people and a time to build new friendships. As this week began, you can imagine what I found myself doing. I offered my time completely up. I spent every waking moment with someone doing something, trying so hard to be accepted. Every night, I would find myself coming home exhausted. “It’s okay,” I would tell myself. “You just came out of a season where you didn’t have a lot of community. You’re just absorbing it, and getting energy from it. You’ll be fine.” Little did I know that I was giving my time away to fight against the fear of rejection. A habit that I formed so early in my life, that I hardly even knew it was present.
Rejection. This whole last week, no matter where I went, that word seemed to follow me. Not how others saw me, but how I saw myself. I was determined to be at every social event and to have every moment of the day packed full. Rejection. It wasn’t how others were viewing me, but how I was viewing myself.
“Jessica, why are you seeking man’s approval?” Was the perfect way the Lord called me out on it. He then began walking back through my life, showing me how I constantly fought for acceptance. “Jessica, your rejection died at the cross. I anointed you as my child, and I chose you. I choose you to be the one I love, desire, and set free. Your acceptance is sealed in my blood.” With those words, I felt the Lord pour His oil over my and gave me the title “accepted” as he healed that hurt spot in my heart.
Rejection is such an attack from the enemy. We can walk around seeking approval from others without even knowing we are doing it. We can find ourselves indulging in things we wouldn’t normally in, or doing acts that aren’t familiar with us in order to find acceptance. We can get so caught up in how others see us, that we forget that the Lord anointed us as His, and sealed it in His blood.
The Lord is constantly calling out to us and reminding us that we are known by Him. He is constantly telling us that we are accepted in Him not for what we have done, or for what we will end up doing. He sealed our acceptance, and He will always choose us no matter where we are at in life. We no longer have to walk around in life to find acceptance, but we can walk freely in being accepted.
