Change of Seasons

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

May 14th was such a bitter sweet day for me.  It marked the end of the Race and the beginning of a new season.  A season that I had no idea what was entailed to it.  I came home stepping more into the unknown than when I left for the Race.  As I came home, I was filled with anxiety.  “What am I going to do next?”  “How are people going to see/accept me?”  “How the heck am I going to re-enter this country after everything?”

As time passed, God made it very clear that this season was going to hard.  He was leading me into a season of solitude.  When I came home, I found out that all of my friends moved on, and moved away from Buena Vista, Colorado.  I felt so alone.  I felt like such a stranger to those who should know me the most.  As the season began, I did everything I could to not be alone.  I got a job within 4 days, I would preoccupy myself with “new friends”, just so I wouldn’t feel alone, and whenever silence came, I would run away from it.  And then, the beautiful month of September came around.  Just as the leaves change on a tree, I began to see the leaves change for my “new friends” as they transferred from summer to college.  I would look up at my own leaves and not see one hint of yellow or orange.  It finally hit me, that God was finally able to get me where He wanted me to be.

“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her” Hosea 2: 14.

And so God did.  He lead every distraction away from me.  Challenges came up that made me feel completely and more alone than I ever had.  As I was being led away, I felt myself grasp onto everything, but the only thing I could grasp to was the Lord.  Everything was taken from me, even my favorite chicken named “Alphie”.  As the season began, I had no idea how hard it was going to be.  There were days where it took everything in to me remain in the season instead of running away from it.  There were times where I felt stuck, and afraid that I would never leave the season or Buena Vista, Colorado.

During October, He then showed me that my leaves were starting to change.  January would be when my seasons changed.  I would be leaving for Atlanta Georgia, and begin training for long term missions as I said “yes” to working long term in the Philippines.  I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel, and felt hope begin to the season ending.

As time passed, I began to see my leaves change more and more.  With each new decision, I began to see how fast time was going to go by.  As I entered the month of December, I found myself jobless.  I then heard the Lord ask me to be in Washington for a week, which only meant that the leaves were changing even faster.  Before I know it, it was only a week until I left.  I then find myself cramming everything I possibly could into that week.

And then it came.  The day when the Lord led me away from the wilderness and into a new season.  When I found myself leaving it, I heard God whisper “give thanks”.  As hard as this season has been, I can’t be more thankful.  I’m thankful for the time spent with my family and the relationships that came out of the season.  I’m thankful for the gift of working in a coffee shop, and the numerous solo nights.  I’m thankful that I can come out of the season being able to love others well, and know that my joy no longer relies on others, but solely on the Lord.  I’m thankful that I feel 25 years old most days, when I’m really 21.  As hard as it was, I’m thankful that the Lord lead me through it.