“Our lives aren’t about a destination. In fact, they are about a journey that the Lord has taken us on. Jessica, your life is about a journey, not about a certain place.”
When those words were spoken to me, I my stomach sank. I felt like my world was blowing up inside my head with every possibility that was put before me, but I wanted my way.
This past month, I received the news that my original of moving to the Philippines in June was moved back to anywhere form late June to late August. Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, that amount of time is nothing. In fact, it’s a short amount of time. But in my mind, I wanted it to be my way. In the moment, I felt like God had let me down. We had this great plan of being in the Philippines by the beginning of the summer, not later.
When I was told the news, I became so frustrated. Other opportunities were set before me for this extend time. Opportunities that would grow me more in my gifts. One of those opportunities is to disciple an age group that I love for two months. But as these new things kept coming to me, I didn’t want any of them. I wanted the plan that I created and had my heart set on. I wanted it so badly that I internally created nine different plans. Yet, when I began to share each one of these plans with people around me, I immediately saw their flaws, and had to go back to the drawing board to try again.
You may ask why this news was such a big deal if it was only for three months. Here it is: it was delaying something that I wanted so badly. I wanted to be in the Philippines pursuing my passion as soon as I could. When I was in the Philippines, my passion was sparked as I looked into the eyes of a 5 year old boy and saw the injustice that happened to him. I wanted to fight for people, walk them into freedom, show them their worth, and I wanted to do it as soon as I could. Because of this desire, I forgot about the journey that God has put me on, and I made the Philippines my destination. When I first returned to the States, I planned on being in the Philippines by January. That fell through and was moved to the beginning of May. I was at first crushed, but then saw the good that would come out of waiting a little longer, and allowing me be trained a little more. And then I was asked for a second time to wait even longer and take a couple opportunities to grow more in my gifts: such as leading a trip this summer with college age adults. I wanted nothing to do with that plan or any other one that was presented.
As the Lord has given me time to be frustrated, He has shown me how much I made this journey about myself. I even got to a point where I forgot about why I was doing this and why I said “Yes” in the beginning. All I wanted to do was go and start working with my passion. Just like a freshman in college who is studying to become a surgeon isn’t thrown into the emergency room with a scapula and told to “Have at it”, I need to be properly trained and prepared to move to the mission field long-term. The Lord has walked me into a journey and time where I am being equipped with the right tools, and trained in the right areas to be the most successful. God has given me different gifts that He wants me to grow in and learn how to use. He wants to equip me with more tools.
I can’t lie. When I found out again that moving to the Philippines was being set back I became frustrated. It took everything in me to remain in Georgia, and to continue trusting God is still growing things in me, and that He’s not quite done developing me. Just like how a mother doesn’t want to give birth six months into her pregnancy God wants to see the things that He has been growing in me to come to full-term.
Sometimes we have our own plans, make our own schedules, and even forget why we are doing what we said “Yes” to doing. We can forget the importance of being fully equipped and want to dive in before we can swim. In those times, the Lord continues to remind us that He is as patient as ever and wants to us to succeed in the passion, desire, and calling He has given us.
“Poverbs 16:9- In their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”
