Forgiveness

About a week and half ago, I had a guy completely screw me over.  I have such a crazy schedule and barely have room to adjust it, so of course he asked me to do something that would require quite a bit of time.  I said yes, but the only way I could fit it in would be if he helped me fundraise a little bit.  He agreed, so I helped him.  When we finally finished his homework, I asked him when a good day would be for him to start a couple fundraisers.  "Actually, I decided that I'm not going to help you, because I'm an Atheist and a Vegan so I don't support what your doing or the chocolate bars you're selling."  was what he said to me.  I can't even begin to explain how furious I was when this happened, and how he said it to me.  I not only took time away from fundraising to help him, but it took us about 10 hours to work on his homework.  I walked away furious, telling him to leave me alone and not to text or call me.  We didn't talk for about a week, and I still felt the anger build up in me.  Every time I saw him, I wanted to go over and attack him, and chew him out.  Thankfully I didn't, or I might have had campus security called on me.  So I created this plan to avoid seeing him, which meant I went to the opposite side of campus to study.  Unfortunately my plan failed today. I had to print out a paper I have been working on, and the only printer was in the library…and the only free time I had was when he had free time.  A coincidence?  I think not.  Today was our first time talking for about a week and a half.  He saw me, and came up and had the nerve to actually talk to me like nothing happened.  Doing what every other mad teenage girl would do, I chewed him out, and said he has to leave me alone.  Of course I said some other things, but I'll let your imagination take in here.
I walked away so mad that I was pretty much crying.  I sat down at a table and attempted my math homework.  First of all, math and I NEVER get along, so I couldn't possibly do it.  So I sat there, pouting, and mad at the world.  And then God stepped in.  And this was pretty much how the conversation went:
God: "Jess, I want you to forgive him."
Me: "Fat chance!  I can't forgive him!  He frustrates me so much!"
God: "Come on Jess, it's time to forgive."
Me: "No way!  You try forgiving someone who constantly screws you over, only uses you, and tells you what you can and can't do.  You try forgiving someone who likes you just because you help them, and treats you like an object.  You try forgiving the unforgivable!"
God: "Doesn't that person you just described sound really familiar?  I do forgive that person, and I love her constantly, even when she does mess up, I will CONSTANTLY forgive her, and I will constantly love her.  So I'm asking you one more time: will you go and forgive him?"
I sat there thinking about the person that I did describe.  It didn't hit me as soon as I wanted it to.  I thought I was describing this guy who screwed me over, and only cared about himself.  But when it did hit me, I realized that I was describing myself.
Me: "I understand!  Alright God, I'll go and talk to him, and I'll forgive him, but you're going to have to help with it."  And God did.
Today, I woke up just like every other day.  I did my devotion, got ready for school, had my coffee, and then went to my first class.  But today was so different for me.  God really showed me that I struggle with forgiveness so much.  I always thought that when the time came I would be able to forgive someone in a heart beat.  I guess I was wrong.  It took so much for me to actually go over there and talk to the  guy that really screwed me over, and caused me so much stress.  When I told some people what happened and why I was so mad, EVERYONE told me to cut him off, and make sure that I don't have any communication with him.  God had a different plan though.  Our example to live life is Jesus.  Jesus forgave someone who totally screwed him over.  Someone who had him killed.  Jesus forgives me non stop, and he loves me non stop.  Jesus helped me forgive someone that screwed me over, and He's teaching me to forgive another person, my own sibling, who not only made a part of my life a living nightmare, but also my family's.  Today, Jesus helped me give forgiveness to someone that needed it, and he also got me started on a path to forgive someone that also needs forgiveness.  I won't be able to forgive her right away and I won't be able to do it by myself, but with Jesus, I know that someday I will be able to say that I do forgive my older sister.