When I got back from training camp, I thought that God was done breaking chains for me, I had no idea that he was going to continue to break the chains that have been holding me down from being Jesus crazy. I had no idea that he was going to start a revolution in me. First, He showed me this isn't my home. Now, I'm breaking out.
Society: A part of a community that is a unity of distinguishable by particular aims or standards of living or conduct: a social circle or a group of social circles having a clearly marked identity.
For 19 years, I have constantly tried to fit myself into this society. I would go beyond all measures to "fit in". I would let society tell me that:
I had to be hot
I have to wear makeup
I have to go to college to be successful
My goal is to earn a ton of money, get married, have a family, retire and I'll be happy if I do this
I have show my skin in order to be sexy
I have to act a certain way
I have to be a certain size
I have to wear sexy/cute clothes
I have to be tan
I have to weigh a certain amount
It's totally fine to spend $100 on a pair of pants
For so long I have tried my hardest to fit in this mold. I have bent over and backwards just so I could fit into this box that society has constantly been telling me what I can and can't do. For 19 years I have had this chain hold me down, and tell me that I HAVE to fit into this or I won't be socially acceptable.
The other day I felt this chain wear me down as I was deciding on what to wear to go on a hike. I finally lost it, threw on shorts, a tank top, my sandals, and then went up the mountain. When I got to the top, I lost it. I screamed, and cried. I prayed, and God made it very clear on what He was doing. He was breaking this chain that I have been wearing for 19 years. I grabbed the chains and with the strength that God gave me, we both pulled them from my body. Those chains were broken, and torn off from my body and Satan no longer has that grip on me. That day, Jesus made it clear. I'm breaking out!
I'm not following what society is telling me to do. The chance of me going back to college is so slim, it's almost none. God has made it clear that right now, His plan is COMPLETELY different. I'm no longer defying my looks to the "normal" look. I'm no longer the Christian in church who's singing and clapping. I'll be the one dancing, crying, on my knees, worshiping my Creator. I'm breaking out from the normal. Jesus made it clear that I'm not normal. I'm crazy for Him, and after breaking out from society, I'm madly chasing Jesus.
As of right now, I am happily unemployed, selling things, giving things away, taking up my cross, denying myself, and walking side by side with Jesus. I'm breaking out, and this is my new normal. I have no "home" here on earth. In 1 month, my life will be on my back. I won't be going back to college. I'm done with my old life, and having people tell me what my life is going to look like. My life is going to be walking side by side with Jesus, wherever he leads me. And do you know the craziest part? This is the happiest I have been.
I have broken out.
